If you and your partner are struggling with communication, trust, or feeling emotionally disconnected, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) may be exactly what you need. As a therapist with advanced training in EFT, it is one of the primary approaches I use in couples counseling.
The Basics of EFT
EFT is an attachment-based therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. It's grounded in the science of adult attachment — the idea that as humans, we have a fundamental need to feel securely connected to our loved ones.
When that sense of security is threatened, we react. Sometimes we pursue and push for connection. Sometimes we withdraw and shut down. These reactions aren't flaws — they're natural responses to feeling disconnected from someone we love.
How Does EFT Work?
EFT typically unfolds in three stages:
Stage 1: De-escalation
First, we identify the negative cycle that keeps you and your partner stuck. You might recognize patterns like one partner pursuing while the other withdraws, or both of you shutting down during conflict. Understanding this cycle is the first step toward changing it.
Stage 2: Restructuring
This is where the real transformation happens. I'll help each of you express the deeper emotions and needs beneath your reactions. When your partner hears what you're really feeling — not the anger on the surface, but the fear or sadness underneath — it creates a powerful shift.
Stage 3: Consolidation
In the final stage, we solidify the new patterns you've created. You'll practice applying these new ways of connecting to everyday situations, building a stronger, more resilient bond.
The Research Behind EFT
EFT is one of the most researched couples therapy approaches available. Studies show:
- 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery
- 90% show significant improvement
- Results are long-lasting, with couples maintaining gains over time
Is EFT Right for You?
EFT can help with a wide range of relationship concerns, including communication problems, infidelity, emotional disconnection, and frequent conflict. If you're feeling stuck in negative patterns with your partner, EFT offers a path forward.
Reach out to learn more about how EFT can help your relationship.